Sonic Youth's Kim Gordon on why she and Thurston Moore split up after 28 years of marriage

How sadly banal!

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"We seemed to have a normal relationship inside of a crazy world," Gordon says of her marriage. "And in fact, it ended in a kind of normal way—midlife crisis, starstruck woman."

Some years ago, a woman Gordon declines to name became a part of the Sonic Youth world, first as the girlfriend of an erstwhile band member and later as a partner on a literary project with Moore. Eventually, Gordon discovered a text message and confronted him about having an affair. They went to counseling, but he kept seeing the other woman. "We never got to the point where we could just get rid of her so I could decide what I wanted to do," Gordon says. "Thurston was carrying on this whole double life with her. He was really like a lost soul."

Who? Did I stumble into an old folk's home? Your record's skipping, Gramps!

Oh, R1, what a *clever* child you are!

I guess we all know Goo's secret now.

Well, I hope she dumped him at the point where he refused to give up the other woman. I too had an ex - we had been together 14 years - who cheated on me and wanted to go to counseling to save the relationship but refused to give up the affair partner.

I walked at that point. I have grieved and it has been hard, but I have never regretted walking. If someone is so cowardly they have one foot in and one foot out, there is no point to forgiving something as serious as cheating; it would be like an extra slap in the face and a total mind fuck.

Their music just sounded like noise to me. Hated them but the Italian guy in the band is hot and possibly gay.

R5, check out their version of Superstar,from The Carpenters tribute. Very beautiful,haunting.

go listen to Katy Perry and Justin Beiber, R1

[quote]check out their version of Superstar,from The Carpenters tribute. Very beautiful,haunting.

Gross. They took all the melody out of the song and made it as droning as most of the rest of their material.

[quote]I too had an ex - we had been together 14 years - who cheated on me and wanted to go to counseling to save the relationship but refused to give up the affair partner.

I'm sorry about that, R4. That feels like such a strange--but all too common--request. Did they want an open relationship instead? Or maybe something polyamorous?

I never even knew they were married until I heard they got divorced. I never much cared for Thurston, but Kim is one of the greats and an inspiration. Hope she's OK.

I had the requisite Daydream Nation poster up on my wall, but the only Sonic Youth song I ever really liked was Dirty Boots.

I don't understand that logic. You recognize you are doing wrong so you go to counseling...to save the relationship..but then you don't give up the other person? I can't wrap my brain around that one.

No, my partner wanted to remain in contact with the affair partner as "friends at the very least". I guess with me tolerating a semi-affair while we tried to work things out??? I balked (thank god). That was my wake-up call (the cheating should have been, really - but at least I had *some* kind of internal boundary).

The irony is that my ex remains angry (furious, even) at me to this day for walking out of the relationship at that point, implying that I was the one who gave up on it after 14 and a half years. I heard through the grapevine that my ex ended up in a relationship with the affair partner for the next 4 years, most of it long-distance. I have been pretty much no-contact since we broke up. I'm over my ex, but not over my rebound guy, go figure (probably because I projected my lost love of 14 years onto the rebound guy, but that's something I'm trying to work out for myself at the moment).

So although I sometimes find Sonic Youth a little pretentious, I have to say I feel for Kim Gordon in this situation. It would have been worse if she had stayed trying to work it out with a "confused" man, as her self-esteem plummeted and the headfuckery grew worse.

Typing this out has been quite therapeutic (yes, I should get a blog) - I realize that I did the right thing by cutting off and bailing when I did. It would have been so much more painful otherwise and it probably would have ended exactly the same way.

She sounds fine, R11, but recently survived a bout with breast cancer. When shit happens in life, it not only rains, it pours! Or at least it seems that way.

Much entertaining speculation on the thread below as to who the other woman might be. Best comment: "This is the hipster 'Who Shot JR?"

Most seem to be saying that it's a woman named Eva Prinz, but there is disagreement.

Sorry, correct link is below.

It's totally Eva, R16. Google her name and the images that come up are her and Thurston acting like ridiculous schoolkids... and one VERY awkward picture of her and Kim.

Apparently, she is a self-proclaimed "provocateur." Indeed.

The girlfriend looks like a manic pixie dream girl. Bleh.

I wonder if they're still together? Bitch has crazy eyes.

Who came up with the phrase 'manic pixie dream girl' and why has it stuck? Was it named for Natalie Portman's character in Garden State? And yes, I agree that this Eva girl fits the description. Yuck.

Can someone tell me more about GORGEOUS Lee Ranaldo supposedly being gay? I've never heard that. He is fucking dreamy, even now. He does this semi-windmill guitar strum in their video for "Superstar" right when the chorus comes the first time, and it's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in a music video.

Maybe they split up because Kim looked like she was 40 when she was 30 and Thurston looked like he was 20 when he was 30.

You get the face you deserve, and Kim has looked like an elderly bag for decades.

That's true, R23, but Thurston was no looker himself. Gordon is actually an attractive woman, but she's always been thin, and you know how that goes. They were also together for a REALLY LONG TIME, and monogamy, as I hope we all know, isn't exactly natural. Most relationships have an expiration date.

while i sympathize with the posters who say their music was droning noise (much of it was), when they actually inserted hooks and melodies in their songs, they could create magic.

The "other woman" has an interesting past.

Who cares! Thurston's cute, his girlfriend's cute, let 'em fuck, what are they doing to you.

Based on her reputation alone, Kim could be getting DP'd and her remaining titty sucked by hot 20-year-olds every night. She should just go for it instead of playing the victim for women's mags.

Chrissie Hynde is all over the young dick. THAT's indie.

[quote] He does this semi-windmill guitar strum in their video for "Superstar" right when the chorus comes the first time, and it's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in a music video.

Mary!

They both didn't exactly seem "fun."

Sonic Youth? I get why people love them or hate them or are indifferent.

Even this doesn't make her interesting. It's as if she thinks hers is the first marriage to break up.

This was my favorite song of their. RIP!

I love her voice.

"Tunic" is one of the best scary-campy-sad songs ever.

Kim Gordon backed the wrong horse if she expected Moore to eventually grow out of being 'a rock star' and to age gracefully alongside her. In some of those shots of him with Eva Prinz he is dicking about like a 21 year old high on newly found fame. She should have married Joe Schmo, accountant, if she wanted a loyal homebody type.

I'm surprised to hear Thurston described here as cute. He is one of the few ugly people out there.

R25 that song is pretty good (not "magic") but the whole aren't-we-hip video is a turnoff. R33 is right - she should have gone for an accountant.

Eva has a major case of crazy eyes and she seems extremely insufferable. Karma will come to Thurston eventually.

The reviews of Kim's books are pretty good. I can't wait to read it.

The most interesting parts of the book are Gordon's memories of her time growing up in LA and her first years in NYC. I had no idea she was connected to so many California artists when she was in her twenties (Mike Kelly, Dan Graham, and later Pettibon, ... those are some mighty art world connections) or that she dated Danny Elfman in his pre-music days.

It was interesting to read about the inspirations for certain songs and various music videos for Sonic Youth.

She is pretty candid about the dissolution of her marriage, even if she doesn't use any salacious details (that doesn't seem her thing).

[quote]Thurston looked like he was 20 when he was 30.

I checked Thruston's IG. He looks like an old lesbian now.

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